My Life Without A Father


This week I wanted to get a bit more personal on my blog and I wanted to talk to you all about my life for the past 18 years, growing up without a father. I thought that with it being father's day this weekend it would be pretty poignant but as with anything personal, I really worried about this post generating any hate. However, several lovely people on Twitter convinced me just to go for it and so many of them said they would love to read it, so here it is!

For any of you that don't know, I'm not originally from the Wirral. I moved here about 18 years ago from Scotland after my mum and dad divorced. For those of you that haven't had to go through a divorce with children, it is horrible. At the time I was about 4/5 and from what I can remember it was horrific, I vividly remember breaking down in tears when I was asked to choose which parent I wanted to live with. 

Since that divorce 18 years ago, I have not spoken to my father......

Now that is not out of choice, I have made all sorts of efforts to speak to my father over the years, all of which have been completely one sided. Not once has he made the effort to get in touch/find me. I remember barely being a teenager to find out through an accidental slip by a family member that he has since got re-married and got another set of children. Hearing that as a teenager who was only just beginning to figure out the world, that completely devastated me. Even to this day, it still devastates me that my father literally wiped his hands of me and my brothers and got himself a new wife and kids!

I've spent years dreaming about the "perfect" family with a mother and father that stay together and love each other, I know that while some parents will stay together and are a great fit, some simply are not. As I've grown up, I've realised that just staying together for the point of children doesn't work. If you aren't happy, you shouldn't force it for something or someone. I can't tell you the amount of times I've thought about things like; What will I do at my wedding? Who will walk me down the aisle at my wedding? Who is going to sit there at my graduation and say how proud they are? Who will help me move into my first flat? & Who will console me when I get my heart broken?

Mentally, growing up without a father and going through the divorce at such a young age has been traumatising for me. I have tortured myself for years, thinking that I'm not good enough, that I'm the reason he left and has never got back in touch, that it was something I did. As a direct result of all this, I've come away with damage. Growing up I've struggled, with relationships and men. I find it hard to trust people, I am always wondering when people are going to be leaving me!

Although I have my damage, I've grown up to become a smart, talented woman. I'm 24 years old, recently graduated from the University of Liverpool and in my dream job as a critical care staff nurse in the first outstanding specialist NHS trust in the UK! I have some of the most amazing, caring friends and family, and I write what I deem to be a successful blog in my little corner of the internet and through that, I have met some truly amazing and inspirational people and collaborated with some incredible brands.

Through everything that has happened and all the damage, I have taken that dad-shaped hole and filled it with some amazing experiences and I have transformed my life. For those of you reading that have that parent-shaped hole, you are strong, courageous, inspirational, and beautiful! Don't you ever let anyone stand in your way of believing that!

Speak to you next time!

2 comments

  1. Danielle, this is such a well-written post and from the heart. I can kind of relate to how you feel as I'm from a single parent family and I actually made the decision over 10 years ago now to no longer see my Dad as he was a waste of space and didn't want to see us so I removed myself from the situation. Whilst I don't miss him and it doesn't bother me, some people find it hard to understand and relate to. What I will say is, you are you, created by everything you've gone through in life so please don't let someone else's actions define you as you are your own person!

    Ruth / www.ruth-writes.co.uk xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. A father is the only person who feel you to be protected. Without a father, life is totally dull and boring. However, you need to have some inspirations to proceed ahead and be a successful girl.
    Emma Charlotte
    Dissertation writing services

    ReplyDelete